By DiAnn Mills @DiAnnMills
Writers long for family and friends to understand them.
This afternoon, I peered out my office window and observed my neighbors laughing and talking. Longing washed over me, and I considered joining them—like a real person with a real neighborly smile, great attitude, understanding, and able to contribute to the conversation. Just that quickly, my thoughts swept back to the mess I’d left my heroine in, and I couldn’t leave her facing danger alone.
A few hours later, my quirky personality struck me as hilarious. I could have shared a delightful time with my neighbors, but I doubt if I’d spoken a word about what was going on in my head. I care about these sweet people but would any of them understand how my brain works? Please note, other people are always more important than we are, but it helps when someone speaks our language.
I’ve compiled 10 questions you can pose to your writerly friends, and they will appreciate your sincere efforts. I’ve even included a few ways to help writers form the best responses.
1. What kind of project are you working on?
Writer: Respond in one sentence. Make it a powerful hook. If the listener wants more information, he/she will ask.
2. What was the first book you read?
Writer: This is not a grocery list answer.
3. What helped you decide to become a writer?
Writer: Make it brief and filled with your passion for communicating through the written word.
4. What do you like the most about writing?
Writer: Be honest. We don’t have to enjoy every single minute.
5. What do you dislike about the writing life?
Writer: Be honest. The person may be considering writing.
6. When did you decide you wanted to be a writer?
Writer: Be concise and share your heart.
7. If you didn’t write, what career would interest you?
Writer: This is an opportunity to be open and candid with the listener.
8. How long does it take you to write and complete a book?
Writer: Many people do not know the time required, and not all writers work at the same pace.
9. Is a person born with the ability to write, or does it take time?
Writer: This is an opportunity to give your publishing journey. Be concise.
10.Where do you get your ideas?
Writer: While it is tempting to say, “Everywhere.” I encourage you to give a few brief examples.
A few years ago, a dear friend introduced me as her bizarre and eccentric friend. I loved it! Who wants to be normal? Not everyone has our same interests, and I encourage you to reach out to others with a genuine interest in what interests them.
Are you a creative person who needs understanding? Can you offer additional tips?
Comments 16
No, my non writer friend totally does not get me at all. In messenger she will ask me what I did today. If I answer I did some writing she never asks what and moves on but if I say I had a zoom call with a writer’s group and a zoom with a speaker’s group etc. all I get is…. nice sounds like you were busy and then it is just crickets LOL. Can be radio silent for 10 min or 60 mins and when she comes back it is always a different topic to chat about.
When I read the questions, I thought…Are these to answer myself like Lewis did OR are these for me to ask other writer friends OR are these to have on hand for someone to have ice breaker questions to ask me? Ya, I know I over thought that LOL.
Teresa, all of us writers have friends or family members who don’t get us. We can answer the questions like Lewis or sneak them into the minds of our families and friends. Write on!
My husband gets me. He just wants to know when I’m going to finish my first book! I thank God I have my husband’s support. My sister-in-law gets me since she wrote a novel years ago and gave up after one rejection, so she understands the ups and downs of writing. My daughter is skeptical about a novel being in me, I think, but does applaud the devotions I’ve published. My best friend is my accountability partner. The rest of family and friends are a mixed bag and I appreciate them no matter what they think of my writing.
This is yet another of your helpful lists that needs to be printed out and reviewed often. Thank you!
Karen, so glad you have a strong support system. That means extra encouragement. Keep working on that novel!
WELL! In answer to your blog title, that would be a NO. At least God knows our hearts and He appreciates all our quirks. 🙂 I generally feel like a walking anomaly. But for what it’s worth, unless the Lord gives me discernment on a matter, I don’t understand other people either. As far as how/why I decided to become a writer, it’s like Jeremiah’s comment about the prophetic word: If I try to shut it up, it’s like a fire in my bones. So, the Lord decided this for me, and it makes me really happy. 🙂
P.S. I noticed how many times you said we should be concise. That’s a real challenge that would probably do wonders to improve my social life. 🙂
Diana, thank you for your comments! Yes, being concise is really hard when we want to tell others all about our characters and our plot. Strangers often get us better. 🙂
My answers:
1. What kind of project are you working on?
My children’s book boy protagonist asks, “Do I obey Mom, or obey Dad?”
2. What was the first book you read?
Probably a Dick and Jane story, one with Jip. I wanted something “bigger”.
3. What helped you decide to become a writer?
I decided to be a writer the same way I decided to be 6 feet 2 inches tall.
4. What do you like the most about writing?
Re-writing, until the changes don’t make it better. Then I undo the useless changes since that feels good, too.
5. What do you dislike about the writing life?
I dare not tell you, except that it’s a two-part answer related to question 7 below.
6. When did you decide you wanted to be a writer?
When I realized I’d never be much taller than 6 feet 2 inches.
7. If you didn’t write, what career would interest you?
Programming computers in offices full of good, feisty people. I did that for 40 years and loved it.
8. How long does it take you to write and complete a book?
My first book took about 35 years. My second, a prequel to the first, is done except for illustrations, and started nine months ago at lunch during the 2022 BRMCWC.
9. Is a person born with the ability to write, or does it take time?
Yes.
10.Where do you get your ideas?
They peek around some fence inside my head, often moments after I wake up or when I get incensed about something. Then I have to drag them out a few feet at a time until I can see what they really look like. Some ideas have more feet than others.
Lewis, only a writer would respond to those questions with your answers. Thank you!
Great list, great advice! Thank you, DiAnn!!
Thanks, Regina. Who wants to be normal?
DiAnn: A very challenging article. But I realized that while I’m out with family or friends, I tend to daydream about people sitting around us. Who are they? Why are they working here? Do they enjoy their job? The diners: Why did they choose this restaurant? What are they talking about, seemingly with passion? My mother was a “people-watcher” and I think I am too. I’m so curious about my friends, their families, their “adventures” in life, what makes them “tick.” My daydreaming can also get me into trouble playing canasta with friends and not paying attention to the cards! Thank you for these very thoughtful questions, several of which I could not answer for myself.
Thank you, Judith. We writers are so guilty of mind-rambling, and that’s why we are able to write unpredictable stories and nonfiction with a twist.
Haha! I laughed at the title of this blog post. NO. My family or friends do not get me. Haha! Sometimes my family will ask about what I’m working on, especially since I’ve now got a book published and two being released this year.
Loretta, we have the same kind of family! Aren’t we thankful for our writing sisters?
DiAnn, I’m tempted to print a card with your list of questions to carry on a lanyard around my neck. Then the next time I’m staring into space, someone can grab the card and ask a question that pulls me into the moment! Seriously, I’d like to share your list with my friends at the Minnesota Christian Writers Guild (with due credit to you, of course) for great conversation starters. Thanks!!
Karen, I’d be honored for you to share the post or questions. Thank you!