By DiAnn Mills @DiAnnMills
We’ve grown up hearing instructions to “listen,” and wisdom is woven into the word. As children, we were told to listen to our parents and others who were 1) wiser, 2) chose to protect us, and 3) had more life experience. As teens and adults, sage advice is always to listen.
Learning and listening are companions, joined by love for others and a benefit for ourselves.
The art of listening is not simply a learning tool but a means to navigate life. The storms that threaten our perspective on life can overwhelm us, yet listening to what is happening around us helps us make insightful decisions.
It’s been said that some of us look as though we’re listening to someone speak when we are only waiting for them to finish so we can give our opinion.
“It is hard to engage in listening to another person with empathy if you are waiting for the spotlight to shine back on you.” Ramani Durvasula
The advantages of developing our listening skills:
- A better understanding of why others have chosen their behavior.
- A better understanding of what influences the way others believe.
- A better understanding of underlying emotions and prejudices that accompany actions.
- A better understanding of what inspires others.
- A better understanding of what determines a leader’s opinions.
- A better understanding of clarity.
- A better understanding of why relationships succeed or fail.
- A better understanding of why respect is vital in all relationships.
- A better understanding of ourselves.
“One of the benchmarks of great communicators is their ability to listen not just to what’s being said, but to what’s not being said as well. They listen between the lines.” Laurie Buchanan
How do we enrich our listening skills?
- Concentrate on every word a person says, how it’s said, and their body language.
- Learn how a person receives and interprets information.
- Ask questions for clarification.
- Discover unique phrases and body language that apply to a person’s communication.
- Study the person’s culture, education, career, and often family life.
- Show empathy and sincerity.
- Refuse to slow down the speaker.
- Push away distractions.
- Refrain from using open-ended language.
- Process what was said later to improve our skills.
How do you truly listen to others?
Comments 12
Excellent advice!
When out to lunch with friends or my son’s, or our to dinner with my husband, my phone goes on silent & in my purse. That’s one way I’m learning to focus on the here & now and my companions.
Traci, I love that! Focusing on the here and now has eternal benefits.
I try to put all distractions away so that I can truly listen and learn from the person speaking. It is a skill that I constantly strive to do.
Thanks, Linda, and it’s difficult to put ourselves aside and concentrate on the person speaking.
Listening without thinking of a similar story of my own to share is something I continually work on handling better. Just last evening I attended a visitation of a family who lost a loved one. The story the wife told me reminded me of the days before my mother died so I reminded myself this evening was not about me, but I was there to support and listen. It’s a balance between keeping the focus on the speaker and wanting to show empathy by sharing a similar story of your own. I’m learning to err on the side of letting their story be front and center. Letting my presence and words of encouragement show my empathy.
Thanks for this reminder, DiAnn.
Karen, beautiful and wise insight. I understand the fine balance between letting the other person know we sympathize with their pain. But usually the other person simply wants a listening ear.
I don’t know who said this first, but I’ll quote a bit of common sense: ears and tongue cannot act at the same time.
Peggy, so true! Thank you.
Listening is a skill we all do need to perfect. Thanks for this valuable information, DiAnn.
Thanks, Barbara. As the saying goes, “God gave us two ears and one mouth.” Now all we have to do is apply it!
Thank you, DiAnn, for this lovely reminder to listen to each other.
Proverbs 18:2 is one of my favorites: “A fool takes no pleasure in understanding, but only in expressing his opinion.”
Kay, thanks for responding and giving us the Proverb. I may need to frame it!