DiAnn Mills @DiAnnMills
Guest Blogger: Edie Melson
Grief is a difficult thing. We all experience it—and we all experience it differently. There is no right or wrong way to face loss, yet many of us feel like we’re doing it wrong.
When I lost my father to Alzheimer’s several years ago, I had a well-meaning friend accuse me of, “Doing this grief thing all wrong.” The problem surfaced because she was an extrovert and I’m an introvert. Since I processed my loss privately, she thought I was in denial.
She had the best of intentions, but that single conversation derailed my grief process for months. I felt so guilty and then fearful.
Fast forward several years and I learned so much about what I believed had been just a series of lies. First, we all grieve differently. As an introvert, I do a lot of my grieving privately. I’m not hiding my pain or purposely pushing anyone away, and I’m not trying to be perceived as strong or something I’m not. I’m simply processing my loss in a way that is natural to how God created me.
Second, I’ve learned the stages of grief aren’t really a set process. They’re a list of things that are common to most grieving events. For me personally, I might skip one stage, like anger, and then wake up months later immersed in lingering rage. These stages can be helpful if we realize what we’re going through isn’t unique; it’s a shared experience. What isn’t helpful is comparing my process to anyone else’s.
In this life, we mourn many things—the loss of someone we love, the passing of a pet, the changes that come with age, even situations—all cause us to grieve. I decided to write about grief to help others avoid the pitfalls that derailed me.
I’ve found going through a time of loss narrows my world. I used to believe that was my own personal experience, but I’ve discovered it’s a common thing that happens to us all.
Lessons I Learned
These are the fundamental things that helped me as I studied the process of grief.
- Read the Bible. No, I’m not suggesting an in-depth Bible study (although a worthy endeavor), but the important thing is to spend regular—daily—time reading God’s word. There lies healing in God’s love letter to us.
- Look up and focus on God. When the world shatters, God is the rock we hold on to. He will never shift and never let us go.
- Be gentle with yourself.
- No judging allowed.
- Let others baby you. If treasured people want to supply meals and help with chores, let them. Relieving stress is a good place to begin.
- Do grief your way. Don’t let expectations—yours or someone else’s—derail your process.
- Don’t be afraid of joy. One of the hardest parts of grief for me, was when the enjoyment of life broke through. It felt like experiencing joy was a betrayal of my loss.
Grief leaves the world swathed in frigid black and white. But almost imperceptibly—given time—the intensity began to recede. As time passed, the more familiar colors of life returned. For me, it was drawing closer to God and allowing Him to once again flood my life with the warmth of His love. He has introduced us to a new rhythm for life—not one we’d have ever chosen—but still filled with beauty and a little more joy every day.
Blessings
Edie
Edie Melson is a woman of faith with ink-stained fingers observing life through the lens of her camera. She’s a writer who feels lost without her camera and a reluctant speaker who loves to encourage an audience. And she embraces the ultimate contradiction of being an organized creative. She knows the necessity of Soul Care and leads workshops around the country on staying connected to God. Her numerous books, including the award-winning Soul Care series and Unruffled, Thriving in Chaos reflect her passion to help others develop the strength of their God-given gifts and apply them to their lives. Connect with her on social media & thru EdieMelson.com.
I finished reading Edie’s Soul Care When You’re Grieving a few hours before one of my sons was killed in a pedestrian accident. Her spirit-led words helped me through the most difficult time of my life.
