Funny Moments at Writers Conferences

By DiAnn Mills @DiAnnMills

At writing conferences, there are moments of humor where professionalism, personality, and perfection take a break for laughter. Humor lightens the load for stressful and awkward moments, paving the way for writers to experience new and lasting relationships, critique partners, prayer partners, incredible memories, and lessons in behavior. Sometimes the unplanned breaks in the toughest of circumstances show we are human!

Writing conferences are a time of networking, learning the craft, and inspirational. Yet, I’ve walked away laughing at something that happened. Here are a few of my “Expect an Adventure” moments.

I visited the ladies’ room at a confere. Once inside a latched stall, a woman shoved a piece of toilet tissue under my door with the message: “I was told you could get me published.”

“When can we meet?” the faceless woman said.

When I finally stopped laughing, I told her to check my appointment sheet in the interview room.

I never learned the woman’s identity.

What did I learn from the ladies’ room encounter?

Some writers are desperate to have their work published. Tenacity and ingenuity in the right context can work for the writer but not under a bathroom stall. This woman would have achieved more with careful planning and some professionalism.

Those who know me understand that coffee is essential. Especially first thing in the morning. At a conference before teaching my first session, I placed my breakfast tray on the cafeteria table. Easing onto the chair, I lifted the cup of dark, rich coffee to my lips—a woman thrust her manuscript between my mouth and the cup.

“First, you must read this. I know you will like it.”

I stared at her (nicely), and the rest of the table roared. “Not before my coffee.”

What did I learn from read-before-coffee demand?

Overly aggressive writers need to think before they act. I applaud the writer’s timing; I couldn’t have strategically placed a manuscript between a cup of coffee and a person’s mouth. But politeness would have left a more favorable impression. And always be prepared for the unexpected!

At a conference lunch where faculty shared the same table, I embarrassed myself so badly that it’s now funny. I approached my salad with a growling stomach. A tiny grape tomato caught my eye. I stabbed it and missed, sending the tomato onto the woman’s plate opposite me.

“I’m so sorry,” I said.

“You’re fine,” the woman said. “I teach a behavioral management class at a high school.”

What did I learn from mismanaging my salad plate?

Never stab a tomato unless you are sure it will not fly into the world’s unknown. Always be able to laugh at myself.

This last experience is not humorous but sad.  I wanted to include it as part of the writer’s life because laughter can be inappropriate. At a conference, I had an interview appointment with a new writer. He sat across from me and told me about his story.

“You can’t change a word of it,” he said.

“Why?” I said. “Wouldn’t you like another writer’s opinion?”

He shook his head. “My deceased brother gave me the story.”

I imagined the writer taking copious notes from his dying brother. “I’m so sorry for your loss, but I’m glad you could do this project together.”

“Oh, he didn’t give me the story until after he died.”

What did I learn from the writer?

I should always be gracious and helpful, even when the writer might need guidance of another kind. The unpredictable is a part of a writer’s life. A person’s challenges are never funny.

We writers are quirky, eccentric, and sometimes a bit bizarre. At a writer’s conference, we encounter plot twists, unexpected characters, and divine appointments. Expect an Adventure!

Whether you are a writer or a reader, what is the funniest moment of your life?